


I can figure it all out, once I hold your hand

by emilia_kaisa



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Falling In Love, Intimacy, M/M, Relationship Study, SecretSantaFS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 00:20:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21908095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa
Summary: “It is not time or opportunity that is to determine intimacy; –it is disposition alone. Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others."
Relationships: Javier Fernández/Yuzuru Hanyu
Comments: 13
Kudos: 70
Collections: Secret Santa's Kiss & Cry 2019





	I can figure it all out, once I hold your hand

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MsDaring](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsDaring/gifts).



> This is a Christmas gift for one and only MsDaring! It's such a beautiful prompt and I hope you don't mind I tackled it the way I did, it was a challenge but also a pleausure to write! Merry Christmas dear <3

Yuzuru always liked touch.

He liked hugs his family and coaches would give him, he liked friendly pats on the shoulder and the way some older guys ruffled his hair in a brotherly gesture. There was something so comforting in simple physical gestures like that, offering a bit of warmth in the world filled with strain and cold.

But while his body welcomed the affection happily, his mind usually stayed cool and distant, not reading too much into those gestures, unless they were coming from his loved ones. It was easy, to smile at those people that were almost strangers, familiar faces that Yuzuru never tried to get to know better.

And then, his whole world shifted.

* * *

  
  


When Javi entered his life, it was as if all the rules changed. Or maybe not all of them, but somehow he awakened those little parts of Yuzuru's brain that he had been trying so hard to keep hidden, distant, untouched.

And then, there was Javi.

Javi, with his big eyes and long eyelashes, and a smile that was kind and honest in a way Yuzuru had never encountered before. Javi, with his lingering touches that for some reason burned Yuzuru's skin even through all his layers of clothing. Javi, who seemed so unaware of the fact that every hug and smile and word was making Yuzuru's walls crumble down, slowly but surely, tiny piece by another tiny piece.

Yuzuru was scared to think what could happen without nothing standing in between them.

* * *

It went on for years.

There were days when they would hug almost every minute, close, inseparable, and then there was something in Yuzuru's mind, clicking, flicking the switch, and he was pulling away, desperately trying to keep something to himself; but it all was for nothing, because no matter how much he tried, how far he was trying to go, Javi was always there, with his arms open, and no matter how much Yuzuru resisted, in the end he was always finding himself falling back in his embrace.

* * *

  
  


There was no way of escaping it, and Yuzuru knew that he was doomed since the beginning, since the first time their eyes met briefly and they looked away immediately, smiling sheepishly, both unsure and a little awkward, and so young. And even then it had felt right, a simple handshake when they passed each other in a hallway later, and the feeling only kept on growing stronger in the years Yuzuru spent in Toronto.

But the scariest part was that it was about much more than just physical contact. 

There was something strong and unnamed, a bond that had formed between them the moment Yuzuru stepped into the club for the first time and right into Javi’s embrace, friendly and welcoming. 

But the thing that was scaring and thrilling Yuzuru the most was that Javi _knew him_. Javi saw him for who he really was, he figured it out in the blink of an eye, as if Yuzuru was made of glass. And maybe it was the truth, somehow, because sometimes Yuzuru’s body felt cold and fragile, and Javi was always there, ready to help him, warm up his cold hands and set butterflies inside his chest. 

There was something terrifying about the fact that Javi had learned to read him so fast and so easily, and it was scary that it worked both ways. That after a few days of training alongside each other Yuzuru could tell which one of Javi’s smiles was honest and which just a cover up for his tiredness or frustration. 

They didn’t even have to try, to learn each other by heart. 

As if it had been already decided a long time ago.

* * *

  
  


He tried to run away from it.

He tried to run from the closeness, from the intimacy, from wild fluttering of his heart.

And after years of playing pretend, he gave in.

* * *

  
  


Yuzuru couldn’t stop looking at him.

He watched greedily, taking advantage of the fact that Javi was occupied with talking to Brian, so Yuzuru could keep on looking, drinking in the familiar sight that he would never get tired of. He had been deprived of that sight for months and now he just couldn’t look away, wondering anxiously how long would it take for Javi to leave again, leaving Yuzuru with a feelings as if he lost a limb, or a piece of his soul.

He had stopped denying it long time ago, right before Javi was leaving for his last competition, where his hugs and touches seemed even more precious than always. And Yuzuru realized, with almost painful clarity, that no matter how far away from each other they would be, they could never be apart, not really, because Javi was a constant presence in his mind, a touch that seeped through his skin and was now imprinted in his bones. 

And no matter how much Yuzuru would try, there was no possibility to change that.

And he didn’t want to change that, anymore. 

Javi looked over Brian’s shoulder and his eyes met Yuzuru’s, and he smiled, tilting his head a little, as if asking a question.

Yuzuru nodded.

Javi’s smile widened.

* * *

There was so much warmth, seeping through Yuzuru’s t-shirt and into his skin when Javi was touching him, his palms big and steady on Yuzuru’s back. It was circling in his veins, buzzing quietly, flowing straight to his fluttering heart. They were so close Yuzuru could basically feel Javi’s heartbeat, slightly rushed just like his own, their chests almost pressed against each other, warm, solid.

Slowly, Yuzuru took Javi’s face in his hands, thumbs sweeping over cheekbones, palms tingling pleasantly and mysteriously. Everything felt like in slow motion, the way Javi swallowed visibly, how he blinked, eyelashes fluttering, sound of their breathing resonating softly in the deserted locker room.

He was warm and close, his hands sure and strong, and Yuzuru had never felt so safe before, and so right.

They kept on looking at each other, with smiles in their eyes and on their mouths, and Javi exhaled softly before turning his face to kiss inside of Yuzuru's left palm, the touch of his lips lingering and sending shivers up Yuzuru’s arm, his veins filled with liquid warmth and happiness.

“Javi.”

It felt almost sacrilegious, to break that warm cocoon of silence, but Yuzuru couldn’t really help himself, the name coming deep from that place next to his heart, demanding to be said. It tasted sweet on his tongue, and even after all those years he marveled at the way his tongue curled around the two syllables, familiar and yet so thrilling.

He could feel Javi’s smile against his palm, and one more kiss before Javi turned to look at him again, his eyes warm and shimmering with something Yuzuru didn’t dare to name still, but what was filling his stomach with dozens of butterflies.

One of Javi’s hands traveled up Yuzuru’s spine, caressing his nape before sliding into his hair, not pulling or pushing, just staying there, keeping him close as Javi looked at him, and it was suddenly so much Yuzuru dropped his gaze to Javi’s collarbone, sharp and tanned, and he swallowed hard. He let his left palm slide down Javi’s face, tracing his neck until he grabbed the hem of Javi’s shirt, playing with the soft fabric between his fingers, knuckles brushing smooth skin.

Javi exhaled deeply and leaned forward, so slowly, still giving Yuzuru a chance to back away, as if it wasn’t clear that Yuzuru wanted that, the closeness, touch of skin against skin.

First, there was a fluttering breath against his skin, and then Javi’s nose, nuzzling against the hollow of Yuzuru’s throat, sending goosebumps up Yuzuru's neck.

Yuzuru gasped, moving his chin up to give Javi better access, and he moved his hands to Javi's shoulders, gripping them tightly, feeling strong muscles moving under his fingers.

It was slow, unrushed, gentle, Javi's lips caressing Yuzuru's skin with the lightest touches until Yuzuru couldn't stand it, losing his breath, so he tugged at Javi's hair, forcing him to draw back a little, making their gazes meet.

Javi's warm eyes were a little bit daze but its expression clear and full of question and longing and understanding, and Yuzuru's heart fluttered. He swallowed hard, and gulped for air, the way Javi looked at him punching air out of his lungs.

Javi could always see him, right through each one of his facades, calm, steady, knowing, and that was the way he was looking at Yuzuru now, , as if he knew exactly was going on in his heart. 

And he did, probably.

Yuzuru couldn’t tell why he had been trying so hard to run away from that, it seems ridiculous, because their bodies always knew how to act, always drawn to each other by something stronger than them. 

He shuddered and pulled Javi closer, always closer, and pressed a kiss to Javi’s temple, tasting like warmth and salt. Javi exhaled deeply, his breath tingling Yuzuru's neck, and if he could choose, he would stay like that forever, safe in Javi’s embrace, with his mind clear and heart open.

“And here you are.” Javi whispered, kissing tender skin under Yuzuru’s ear “I always knew it would happen.”

His voice was quiet and sure, and when Yuzuru pulled away a little to look at him, his eyes were shimmering.

“You did?” Yuzuru murmured, one of his hands coming to cup Javi’s face again.

“Since the moment I saw you, I knew. Here.” Javi whispered, touching his chest before placing his palm over Yuzuru’s heart “It was always going to be like that.”

And Yuzuru knew, too. 

He wasn't sure if he believed in fate or destiny, but if they existed, they were always going to lead him there, into Javi's arms, with their hearts beating against each other in one perfect rhythm.

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas! Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
